The return

When I started this blog, I didn't tell my mother about it because I knew she'd think I was writing her life's story. I hoped that she'd not find it, and knew that there was nothing to be ashamed of if she did. Still, when she did discover it, I brushed it off nonchalantly while feeling like a teenager caught with porn under the mattress.
I took a hiatus, but feel drawn to writing about the issues surrounding the aging process, the fears and hopes I have, and the number of wonderful stories shared by various people I have worked with and friends I have known. So, I'm back - and Mom - if you read this, I love you!
Speaking of mom, I have mentioned before that I had high hopes for her retirement years, yet she has withstood so many setbacks. It seems that when she is just recuperating, she gets hit by another malady.
During the last quarter of 2009, she was able to get long overdue physical therapy to help her gain strength and balance for fall prevention. She diligently worked out three times a week with a therapist in the fitness room of her independent living center. Her sessions ended in January, but the benefit was remarkable. Mom felt the best she has felt in almost two years; her balance was better; she even has shoes that help her balance, are comfy, and attractive.
Then she was hit with a bout of bronchitis. A round with a Z-Pak helped, though the cough lingered. Mom complained about her breathing, but I never really made a connection. I attributed the problems to weather, overexertion, and other issues. Kudos to mom for taking the initiative to make an appointment with her lung specialist. Fortunately they had a cancellation and were able to see her quickly. During her visit, the doctor declared Mom had "extreme bronchitis" and took a chest x-ray. She was put on a stronger antibiotic and steroids. The next day, the doctor's office called and confirmed: mom has pneumonia.
I was kicking myself for not picking up on the symptoms sooner, but thanks to my sister for reassuring me that I did nothing wrong. Still, it's hard not to beat myself up for not being at mom's more. I think about things I could do to be more in tune. I envision writing everything down on a calendar so that I have a visual map of mom's complaints, medication changes, doctor's appointments, falls, dietary intake -perhaps even have her record her output and the dog's stats as well! While that is hardly realistic, I am plagued with "what ifs" and "should haves."
At the same time, I admire mom's perseverance. She feels like crap, but she keeps trying. She's a fighter; she has her own goals, things she wants to accomplish, and activities she enjoys. Today, my son and I went to mom's with pizza and the movie "G-Force." Mom wanted to see the flick when it was in the theatres, but we never could seem to find time to get there. I was determined she'd see it, so I rented it.
The movie and pizza were good - the time with mom was priceless.

Define Caregiver

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Anyone with an ounce of humility often scoffs when called a caregiver. "I am only doing what I am supposed to do," or "I love my (parent, child, spouse), so of course I'm going to do what I can" are the typical responses. So how does one know if he or she is a caregiver?
Definitions vary, but the common thread is, if you are caring for someone in some way, that aids in their well-being, you are a caregiver. Assistance may come from near or far, may be done in your home or the loved one's home, may be provided 24/7 or only on occasion.
Care usually involves helping a person with tasks that are typically done independently. Tasks can range from checking in by phone, running errands or shopping to cooking, cleaning, handling documents and bills, or aiding in day-to-day physical care needs. The amount of time and tasks done related to caregiving are as varied as each individual.
Caregivers vary in age depending on who they help. A child may actually take on the responsibility of seeing that a parent with mental illness, alcoholism or drug addiction receives necessary care. A parent may have to care for needs of a physically challenged child. An adult may check in on a neighbor regularly by carrying mail or a newspaper to the door. Others may care for an aging parent by ensuring the environment is safe and that the parent is cared for in his or her own home or some level of facility care.
Regardless of your caregiving status, take pride in knowing that you are not just doing what you are supposed to do. Accepting the title of "caregiver" doesn't mean you do something because you have to; you do it because you love the other person.