The return

When I started this blog, I didn't tell my mother about it because I knew she'd think I was writing her life's story. I hoped that she'd not find it, and knew that there was nothing to be ashamed of if she did. Still, when she did discover it, I brushed it off nonchalantly while feeling like a teenager caught with porn under the mattress.
I took a hiatus, but feel drawn to writing about the issues surrounding the aging process, the fears and hopes I have, and the number of wonderful stories shared by various people I have worked with and friends I have known. So, I'm back - and Mom - if you read this, I love you!
Speaking of mom, I have mentioned before that I had high hopes for her retirement years, yet she has withstood so many setbacks. It seems that when she is just recuperating, she gets hit by another malady.
During the last quarter of 2009, she was able to get long overdue physical therapy to help her gain strength and balance for fall prevention. She diligently worked out three times a week with a therapist in the fitness room of her independent living center. Her sessions ended in January, but the benefit was remarkable. Mom felt the best she has felt in almost two years; her balance was better; she even has shoes that help her balance, are comfy, and attractive.
Then she was hit with a bout of bronchitis. A round with a Z-Pak helped, though the cough lingered. Mom complained about her breathing, but I never really made a connection. I attributed the problems to weather, overexertion, and other issues. Kudos to mom for taking the initiative to make an appointment with her lung specialist. Fortunately they had a cancellation and were able to see her quickly. During her visit, the doctor declared Mom had "extreme bronchitis" and took a chest x-ray. She was put on a stronger antibiotic and steroids. The next day, the doctor's office called and confirmed: mom has pneumonia.
I was kicking myself for not picking up on the symptoms sooner, but thanks to my sister for reassuring me that I did nothing wrong. Still, it's hard not to beat myself up for not being at mom's more. I think about things I could do to be more in tune. I envision writing everything down on a calendar so that I have a visual map of mom's complaints, medication changes, doctor's appointments, falls, dietary intake -perhaps even have her record her output and the dog's stats as well! While that is hardly realistic, I am plagued with "what ifs" and "should haves."
At the same time, I admire mom's perseverance. She feels like crap, but she keeps trying. She's a fighter; she has her own goals, things she wants to accomplish, and activities she enjoys. Today, my son and I went to mom's with pizza and the movie "G-Force." Mom wanted to see the flick when it was in the theatres, but we never could seem to find time to get there. I was determined she'd see it, so I rented it.
The movie and pizza were good - the time with mom was priceless.